DETERMINATION

 

Lord, A demon is stuck in my head and I can’t get it out
I live in pain daily And my life fire is going out
All that I was building is going away
And as I lie here all that I can wish for is death every day

When something is broken it’s not much you can do
As pain takes you down and It tries to take your mind too
There is no help and the chemicals are worse
Lord, Am I doomed to isolation Will my whole life be cursed

I smile no more and I feel so stuck
Desperation reins and I,m running out of luck
I turn to nobody, so nobody knows
The hell I am living and it’s starting to show

Lord where is my power and where is my spirit
I feel death calling, And I’m drawing nearer
I said I’d never let go, but I didn’t expect this
My mind is just crumbling it’s my life energy that I miss

I’m trapped in a box that has only one name
I Call this the devil because he seems to reign
God where am I going and what can I do
Get rid of this despair that tears me in two

Lord, I still exist but I feel like a ghost
I finally built a life where I held the ropes
It’s been 36 years of pain and pure misery
All I ask you my Lord is happening to me

I don’t go online don’t answer emails
I lie on the sofa inside of this jail
I can’t tell a soul nor unburden myself
I’ve lost my motivation and my spirit is not felt

But I’m still here talking even if it’s just to sound
It’s an echo of myself resounds all around
God give me some power this is all I ask
To get out of this hell and finish my task

I need to get out there I need to be free
I need to help others, the way they have helped me
I’ll I feel is foreboding and it’s such a shame
That this world I live in doesn’t know me and don’t know my name

This demon that’s hidden deep in my Head
Makes me wish more for dying than living instead
I’m tired of the pain and I am so tired
For the second time in my life, I’m losing all I acquired

I know there’s a shadow that I must release
I don’t know where comes from but it doesn’t come from peace
Lord, I know I need friends in my life and my world till I die
Help me back out there so I can give it a try

It seems I can help others and that fills me with pride
But I smile through the pain there’s so much that I hide
No one will judge me when I go down
Because I fought for 35 years to keep my feet on this ground

Lord you gave me a mission And you kept me alive
And I’m proud I lived this long with you by my side
They say that “it’s not over until the fat lady sings”
I married my mission as a healer and know the joy that it brings

I’m not nameless I’m not faceless but I do have a plan
Lord, just keep my heart beating, I’ll push past the pain as long as I can
I know I need a lot of support and I need to be free
Of this demon in my body and mind that keeps challenging me

(c) Giggles the poet
September 13, 2018

Thank you, my angels, from being in my world as weird as it gets LOL it’s a blessing to know that you’re out there

Wishing you all a great life and mind journey

Moments change, my Lord, I just went for a walk
I didn’t listen to my body, I let my mind music talk
And by the time that I came back, a new vision was replaced
A new vow is set and I go forward with grace…..

They say that God prunes the greatest tree the most…..hmmmm…I’m pruned already!!!

Fighting pain is a battle that can be won….I found it after 30 years, but now I have a broken vertebra to deal with in my low back and all I could do was lie straight…my plans, all on hold as my mind eroded again because of pain and chemicals…

I had control of my original pain (nerve damage and fire in my upper back) and now have this as well…it’s a roller coaster I fight to get off….and find my place outside my house…..a house that becomes your jail…

I’m still determined no matter what I write, I’m still here and that gives me hope that God has better plans…..

 

Walk with love and light 🙂