DETERMINATION

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DETERMINATION

Lord, A demon is stuck in my head and I can’t get it out
I live in pain daily and my life spirits is going out
All that I was building keep being taken away
And as I lie here in isolation, all I wish for is death every day
When something is broken it’s not much you can do
As pain takes you down and it tries to take your mind too
There is no help and the chemicals are worse
Lord, am I doomed to isolation will my whole life be cursed?
I smile no more and I feel so stuck
Desperation reins and I’m running out of luck
I turn to nobody, so nobody knows
The hell I am living and it’s starting to show
My Lord, where is my power and where is my faith?
I feel death calling daily and  it keeps drawing nearer
I said I’d never let go, but I didn’t expect this
My mind is just crumbling it’s my friends and life  I miss
I’m trapped in a box that has only one name
I call this the devil prison because he seems to reign
God where am I going and what can I do?
To get rid of this despair that is tearing me in two
Lord, I know I  still exist, but I feel like a ghost
I’m finally building a life where I hold the ropes
It’s been 36 years of pain and pure misery
All I ask you now, my Lord, what will happen to me?
I don’t go online, and I  don’t answer emails
I lie on the sofa inside this silent, lonely jail
I can’t tell a soul nor unburden myself
I’ve lost my motivation and my spirit is not felt
I’m still here talking even if it’s just to sound
It’s an echo of myself resounds all around
God give me some power, Lord,  this is all I ask
To get out of this hell and finish my life tasks
Lord, I need to get out here, I need to be free
I need to help others, the way they have helped me

I’ll I feel is foreboding and it’s such a shame
That this world I live in doesn’t know me and don’t know my name
This demon that’s hidden deep in my head
Lets me know my only freedom is when I am dead
I’m tired of the madness and the fighting makes me so tired
For the second time in my life, I’m losing all I acquired
I know there’s a shadow that I must release
I don’t know where comes from, it brings chaos not peace
Lord, I know I need friends in my life or I will  die
Help me back out there so I can give it a try
I can Empower others and that fills me with such pride
But, nobody can see my sorrow, or see the things I hide
No one will judge me when I go down
I fought for 35 years to keep my feet on this sacred ground
Lord, you gave me a mission and you kept me alive f
I’m proud I lived this long despite trying to take my life
They say that “it’s not over until the fat lady sings
I married my mission as a healer and know the joy it brings
I was nameless, I was faceless to my fellow man
Keep my heart beating, I’ll push past the pain as long as I can
I know I need a lot of support and I need to be free
Of this demon in my mind that keeps controlling me

Moments change, my Lord, so, I just went for a walk
I didn’t listen to my body, I let my mind music talk
And by the time that I came back, a new vision was restored
And a new vow is set today and I go forward with you my Lord

© Giggles the poet
September 13, 2018

God made me a Poet in 1985 after Medical Madness began.  My writing is my lifeline and keeps me alive.  God shares many different perspectives that help me change what needs to be changed in my mind.

My Angel, are you stuck, feeling lost or isolated?  I help Mentor people to help them through these feelings, leading them to the dreams they forgot they had.  As well as changing their mindset.   Join me for a 30 free consultation and let me see where I can help you 😊 😊 we’re in this together….you are not alone!!!