“UPDATE: WSIB & MEDTRONIC MEDICAL DEVICE NIGHTMARE”

 

Hello, my angel, I hope this note finds you well and inspired. There of been a lot more investigations in Toronto and the United States, regarding Medtronic medical devices that are doing more harm than good and sometimes killing people.  See links at bottom of the page.

I was one of those guinea pigs then had two Medtronic devices in my body to help with nerve damage the result of misdiagnosis in 1985. My story below is what I sent to the investigators and the reporters as well as the Minister of health.

It’s time I broke my silence and showed proof that I have regarding consequences I suffered after having these devices put in my body and forgotten For seven years when the malfunctioned.  I pray to God that this does not happen to anyone else and that my story will make a difference in getting these issues taken more seriously. It’s a long story but it may save your life.reading it or somebody else’s that you love

1985 – 2015 MY WALK-THROUGH MEDICAL MADNESS – MEDTRONIC SPINAL COLUMN STIMULATOR’S FAULTY

There have been a lot of investigations lately regarding Medtronic medical devices malfunctioning.  My website has my story  www.gigglespoet.com.  Awareness and inspiration.

In 1985, at the age of 22, I had a work-related accident, I broke a rib in my upper back and it was misdiagnosed as “rhomboid muscle strain”   The doctor only did a regular X-ray which only showed a “hot-spot” as they called it.  And it was then that I went into the corrupt Worker’s Compensation system and the abuse and my walk-through medical madness began.

I knew that there was more wrong than muscle problems, yet nobody believed me. I was hysterical with pain and Worker’s Compensation labelled me and wrote me up as having PSTD and low back pain, among other things.  The first few months of being in the system I forced to go to their Rehab center, which was later closed because of abuse drugs and prostitution issues.

Despite the severity of my pain, I had to travel by bus for 40 minutes to the rehab five days a week from 9-5 pm.  I was forced to do a program of ultrasound, lifting weights and swimming which only made the pain worse causing me to collapse to the floor in pain, and they wrote me up as being uncooperative and bringing attention to myself.

Lifting weights and swimming caused my back to go into severe spasms making it hard to breathe.  Many times, after rehab I had to go to a doctor to have needles in my neck back and chest to stop the spasms and pain to help me breathe better.

Despite my telling Worker’s Compensation doctor at the clinic that I was getting worse they didn’t care and didn’t believe that I had anything physically wrong and suggested I go to see a psychiatrist. This lasted for several months and if I refuse to go, they would cut off my benefits, which they did many times.

From the reports I read in my medical file from Worker’s Compensation, they believed that I was not in any physical pain and that I was holding out for a disability pension.

These reports continued until 2008 saying “I cause problems for the adjudicators and that I was suffering from low back problems “. WSIB never really knew the extent of my injuries.

In 1985 saw a total of 18 specialists the first year and I was prostituted through pain clinics.  I was given anti-psychotic medications because they thought this was in my head.

God made me a great writer in 1985 and I kept detailed notes of everything that I was going through and every doctor I saw including prescription that I had been given. God made me a poet and for every loss, a poem was written.  Writing poetry became my lifeline and saved me from losing my mind.

I had a CT scan done December 1985 eight months after my injury. The CT scan showed a badly fractured rib in the T4 area of my upper back.  I was relieved that I finally had proof of a physical injury, but that did not seem to matter, and nobody did anything, but send me to pain clinics and I was put through painful nerve blocks among other modalities to try and stop the pain.

In December 1985, I had to admit myself into the hospital I was having breathing problems. I had been seeing a Nero surgeon there and he finally came into see me a week later

I showed him the CT scan and he sort of brushed it aside saying that he would do his own treatments.  Despite the pain I was in as he examined me, he didn’t care, and he did nothing.  He started me on nerve blocks which were so painful, and they seemed to make things worse.

While I was in the hospital, I was put through painful Spinal tap, tomogram and a body scan which only showed a hotspot in my upper back which doctors assumed was a tumour and I was told to come back in six months to see what developed.

I wasn’t getting anything more than Tylenol three to deal with the pain, which didn’t help, the pain was unbearable, breathing hurt to the point that I had to contact a doctor that I had been seeing and I had to leave the hospital to get a prescription of stronger pain medication.  He gave me a prescription of Demerol to help me and I went back to the hospital.

Several weeks later, I found out I was pregnant 14 weeks, and unfortunately, I was told that I could not have the pregnancy continue because of the medications and radiation and I had to have an abortion.  This sent me into such a state of depression all I wanted to do was die.

My husband tried to talk to the doctor to get some answers as to what was going on, and he seems to be avoiding us.  The painful nerve blocks weren’t doing anything but causing more pain and further depression.  All the nerve blocks did be freeze the muscles in the area around the broken rib and the freezing wore off hours later.

Eventually, I signed myself out of the hospital because I couldn’t take the pain or the painful nerve blocks anymore. I was a walking zombie, in a deep depression.   I had to return a couple of weeks later to have my child taken it out of my body and that was the worst day of my life. But nobody seems to care

Despite the pain and depression, I had to still find help to get this rib out of my body.  I was in such a state that I could barely talk.   I ended up writing a letter which I gave to doctors that I saw.  The letter explained everything I was going through since my accident and I pleaded with them to help me, to take this rib out of my body.  In my letter, I told them that I was overdosing on Sominex doing 50mg up to 10 a day, on top of the other medications, in order to keep the pain down to a level that was bearable.   But my letter didn’t seem to matter.  They said the rib would heal on its own…despite it being almost a year.

Sometimes I had to call poison control because I had done so much medication that I was afraid to close my eyes in case I died.   I explained to them it wasn’t my intention to kill myself but to manage the pain until I could find somebody to help me.

A doctor I was working with got me an appointment with a colleague of his.  I saw him in March and I gave him the same letter to read, I couldn’t speak without crying.  He read the letter respectfully in front of me. The letter also said f he sent me away I would go home and put myself to sleep permanently because I could not deal with this pain.

He examined me, and it only took a few seconds to realize that I was in trouble and this broken rib was not going to heal.

March 4, 1986, almost a year later I had my 1st operation to have the broken rib removed.   Because it had been left in my body for so long it had done internal damage causing nerve damage.  Callus had formed around the rib trapping nerves which had to be removed.

It wasn’t long after I left the hospital that Worker’s Compensation started harassing me about returning to work, they received the operational report but there was no mention of nerve damage.

After the operation, I was dealing with a different kind of pain as I was dealing with burning and spasms from the nerve damage nobody recognized I started working with a neurologist Send me to behavioural modification   Sent me to behavioural modification for my behaviour and deal with the pain better.

The operational report was not clear enough about me returning to work, and within a few months Worker’s Compensation assumed I was able to work and cut off my benefits and I had to find a job despite the severe pain, I had to pay rent and keep a roof over my head.

I contacted a lawyer to help get me reinstated.  I tried working as long as I could, but the pain, burning and spasms were too much to bear.  I contacted the surgeon and he sent a letter to WSIB telling them I couldn’t work.  And I was sent to a Neurosurgeon.   I went through more pain clinics and eventually went through behavioural modification to try to deal with my pain better.

After I finished Behavioural Modification, I went back to see the neurologist.  He suggested trying a medical device.  He said that it helped with nerve pain.

At this point, I was ready to try anything to help with the pain and burning.  I wasn’t told anything more

n 1991, I had my second operation to have a Pieces II implanted in my upper body.  I was semi-conscious during the operation because the machine had to be tested.  When it was tested, I was put to sleep to finish the operation.

When I woke up and freaked out to see wires hanging out of my back.  I was told that it was only temporary as they wanted to see if I got good results.

The device worked, and it took away the burning and pain. I had my third operation to put the wires in my back and the surgeon programmed the device, locked it into place and I went home.

I had 750 amps of electricity run through my body 24/7.  I needed 8-volt batteries which ran out in 4 hours.  Medtronic said that the device was running quite high and I eventually had industrial batteries which lasted longer.

These devices were a miracle, the electricity reduced my pain and I was able to return to the workforce.  I couldn’t return to my old job and had to be retrained for another career.  I still encountered difficulties trying to get use the force of electricity going through my body which drained me.

In 1992, I started a new job.  I tried to forget the nightmare I went through and tried to rebuild my life.  For almost seven years I lived a pain-free life.  Workers Compensation checked up on me once and after that, I was left alone.  When I had problems and needed more pain control, I contacted Medtronic and they would walk me through changing the settings.

In 1998 while at work, I was leaning up against my co-worker’s desk when I felt a jolt of electricity go through me with such force that it paralyzed me.  I couldn’t cry out, as my body contorted and my heart hurt, I thought I was going to die.  Eventually, my co-worker noticed something wrong and unplugged the device, my body collapsed to the floor and I had to leave work.

I saw my doctor and contacted the surgeon whom I had not seen since the operation.  He assumed the wires slipped and said he would operate to replace the device.

When I was electrocuted, I had to go back onto the worker’s compensation system, they called this a re-occurrence of my injury. I was not electrocuted, in 1985 I had a broken rib.  I was reinstated to WSIB and put back on my 1985 salary of $6 hr…despite making $10.00 hr with this job.

I had my 4th operation May 1998. I was implanted with a Quad X-Trail.  I thought I would return to work within a few months, but unfortunately, the operation wasn’t done correctly.   I went back to the surgeon who did the first implant and he wasn’t sure what happens said the wire might have slipped.

He set up a surgery date and I had my surgery in May 1998.   When the surgeon first walked into the OR he looked at me and asked me which leg we are operating on today.  Being sedated I sort of laughed it off but bells ringing in my head. During the operation, I wasn’t frozen enough and I started screaming and crying in pain.  I could feel what he was doing in my back.  I was crying, and this upset the surgeon he was telling me to calm down eventually the anesthesiologist put me out.

I was supposed to be semi-conscious when this machine was put in my body, as they did in 1991, to test the device to make sure it was stimulating in the right place. unfortunately, it wasn’t tested in the operating room before being sewed up.

I went home and a week later when I turn the device on, I felt the electricity running down the lower parts of my body, down my legs and when I turned it up higher to try and control the pain in my back, I lost the use of my legs.

When I tried walking, I would fall.   I contacted my doctor and I contacted the surgeon.  I was quite upset and left messages for him that I needed to see him.

I went to see him, but his demeanour was changed.  He sat across the room from me and he seemed upset that I had caused such a ruckus. I told him what was happening, that I couldn’t walk without falling.

He tried adjusting the machine and asked me to walk and saw that my legs were jiggling, and I was falling. He sat across the room from me and said there was nothing more he could do that I would have to live with pain or paralysis and that is what he said in the letter to my doctor.

He didn’t do an x-ray or anything else except get up and leave the room.  I was shocked and in tears that he expected me to live like this.  I couldn’t understand what was happening.  I felt like I was in a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from.

Because of him not helping me I had to find another surgeon. My doctor found me another surgeon who did an x-ray and realize that the wires were not in the right place as per the 1991 x-ray that was done.

He said that the wires would need to be readjusted but he said he would not be able to do it because the surgeon was a colleague of his and he didn’t want to step on any toes.  He told me to go back to the surgeon to get the wires fixed.   But by this time the relationship was damaged between us and I did not trust him, so I had to find another surgeon.

I spend the summer feeling like a prisoner in my house because I couldn’t get out anywhere, I couldn’t walk properly.  My doctor tried to get me into physiotherapy and we were fighting with Worker’s Compensation to get taxis.  My adjudicator denied the request several times and asked me to measure the distance between my apartment to the bus stop because he didn’t think I had anything seriously physically wrong and he said he didn’t care.  I fell down the stairs one day and hit my head causing a concussion.

My doctor contacted Medtronic in the U.S. and was told this device should have been monitored.  She eventually got a rep from Medtronic to try and help.  A rep came out to her office and we spent hours trying to adjust the device, but nothing worked.  This was causing my doctor so much stress, she wanted to refer me to another doctor.  I wrote her a letter pleading with her to stay with me.

She continued as my doctor and I was invited to her office on a Saturday.  It was then that I was introduced to her husband who was familiar with medical deuces.  And he confirmed that there was a hardware malfunction.

In 1999, my doctor found a new surgeon in Mississauga and I went to see him in he examined me and did an x-ray comparing both X-rays he that he would operate and reposition the wires. He said he would contact me with a surgical date he would have to get permission from WSIB

Days turned into months and months turn into years and the surgeon had not contacted me or my doctor my doctor send him letters faxes and tried calling and they were all ignored I tried calling him and left him any messages pleading with him to help me because I was in so much pain and depression is getting the better of me eventually my daughters husband took it upon himself to go to the surgeons office. Not leaving until he got an operation date.

In 2000, I got a call from work saying that they were letting me go because I have been off for so long.  I was heartbroken and that only adds to my depression because I thought that I would be back to work within a couple of months, but this medical madness had gotten worse.

After each electrocution, it took sometimes years to find medical help…..and when I did, I was abused by the medical system and Workers Compensation, only because I didn’t look the part, they wanted to see a person in pain in….

Had it not been for my co-workers on both occasions unplugging the device, it would have killed me.  I was paralyzed and couldn’t even cry out as the electricity kept going higher, my heart hurt, and I thought I was going to die.

I was ignored when I went to the hospital in 2009 with electricity running through my head, I waited for eight hours and all the doctor did was tell me to go to another town, or to the US to get help.  I wasn’t examined, and he gave me five muscle relaxants and that was it.  I spent the night with ice on my head and pain that was unbearable.

The next day I wrote my story and sent it to Peter Silverman, a reporter for City TV at the time.  God was watching over me for sure because within a few hours, I got a call from him and he called this a horror story and gave me the name of a neurologist as well as a Lawyer.  I couldn’t believe that out of all the emails this man must get, that he saw mine so quickly.

Nobody investigated these incidents, and this was swept under the rug by Medtronic and the Workers Compensation Board.  WSIB bought both devices without knowing why and without even talking to me.  And they stopped asking for doctor’s reports which might have saved me from going through what I did.

I was never notified about the device needing to be monitored, nor was I notified when the device was obsolete or needed to be replaced.

All the while I was dealing with a Medtronic CSR who would help me reprogram the machine when I needed, she never once warned me about these devices being removed/replaced.

I had my Fifth operation in 2002 The surgeon came in and held my hand saying that he would help me, and I had nothing to worry about.

Unfortunately, the machine was not tested while I was in the operating room and once again when I turned the machine on the electricity was running down the lower part of my body it would go no higher than my abdomen. I screamed from the stress so upset I had to be sedated and the doctor came in saying that he would fix this and set a surgical date for two weeks. So, I left the hospital until my surgery date.

Two weeks later I went back to the hospital to have my 6th operation my body was mangled, and I was walking in a fog of depression. The machine was tested in the OR and when I turned it on it was working in the right place. I was so grateful despite all I had to go through

My last electrocution was in 2008 while working for the Federal MP, Tom Wappel…I was sitting at my desk talking to my co-worker when I moved my arm and felt a jolt of electricity run through my body paralyzing me once again.

It took awhile for my co-worker to notice something was wrong, she thought I was having a seizure…. all I could hear was her screaming not knowing what to do.  Eventually, she unplugged the device and my body collapsed.

My body has been so traumatized since this began in 1985, I no longer reacted. When I regained my senses, I got up and called Workers Comp and Medtronic.  Medtronic rep told me that this device was obsolete in 2003 and should have been removed.  I was told to find a surgeon and have the device removed/replaced.  They sent me out a loner and I was too afraid to turn it on.

I couldn’t find anyone to remove the device because they weren’t familiar with the device being in the thoracic area.

I saw a few surgeons between 2008-2009 but they couldn’t do anything they were not familiar with this device being on the thoracic spine and they didn’t want or didn’t feel comfortable doing the operation I was told to call my previous surgeon, But he had retired shortly after my operation.

I did contact the previous surgeon and found out that he was semi-retired so I went to see him, and he said that he would operate and told me he would contact WSIB.  And the same thing happened like in 2000, he forgot about me and did not respond to my phone calls or letters. So, I contacted the college of physicians and surgeons and asked them to investigate this whole case. I was sent a letter telling me that they couldn’t force the surgeon to do anything, but they would send him a letter.

I had been in contact with the WSIB be throughout this and I was told that they had not heard from the surgeon. He eventually called me saying that he sent to Worker’s Compensation to approve the operation but had not heard from them.

He apologizes for not answering my letters or calls and agreed to do the operation. And he asked me to stop the investigation with the College of physicians and surgeons. Which I did because I needed to have a machine removed and I was afraid he would not do it.

They also investigated surgeon who had done the botched operation into008. And his letter to them said he was not aware of the problems that I had told them about. Which was a lie because I have a letter stating what he did and said. But the college of the oceans and surgeons really did nothing except send them a letter.

I did find a letter in my Worker’s Compensation file he had sent them, but they had not responded. Yet they told me that they had not heard anything from him.

The 7th Operation was in 2010, unfortunately, the surgeon could only remove the transmitter and a small wire……the machine had grown into my spine and couldn’t be removed, and the wires were covered in so much scar tissue, they couldn’t be removed.  So, I am left with a device on my spine and I don’t’ know what the consequences will be in the future.  I cannot work, due to the pain and medications.

I went back for a check up and the surgeon sent me to have an MRI.  The day I went for the MRI, was another wake-up call.  The technician came out and spoke to me and said: “you can’t have an MRI because of the device in your body.”  She said that the MRI would pull the device from my body…….

I was stunned.  The surgeon should have known that this would have happened!!  What if the technician didn’t notice I wrote down on the form that I had a stimulator in my body, or what if I forgot to mention it.   All I can say was that fear went through me as hard as the electricity that I had to deal with.

I contacted the Administrator of the hospital.  But, got a sorry…..he was semi-retired, ready to retire, what could they do?

I have never been compensated for the 7 operations that caused further injuries and the Workers Compensation Board crucified me for 35 years, saying in reports that I had low-back problems and caused problems with the adjudicators.  I was fighting for my life and wouldn’t let these people throw me to the wolves…. cut off my benefits or ignore my voice.

Worker’s Compensation barely knows what is wrong with me and they don’t care by their reports I was finally put on permanent disability in 2015 And my supplement was reduced. Despite me making more money at both new jobs I was still being paid six dollars an hour from my 1985 job.

get a disability award they call it of $500 a month which is a tragedy considering what my body and mind have gone through in the scars and patched operations that I had to go through and having these machines almost kill me.

We are being used as guinea pigs and we are maimed further by ignorance.   I know one day God will see restitution, but I will never stop fighting for my rights I’ve been fighting for justice for 35 years……it’s time the truth be told.

If we have a problem with our automobile, we get better attention and care from the people assigned to our case. Worker’s Compensation literally sends people into poverty we are injured further by their ignorance. Because I would not fit in their box they crucified me for being injured trying to make it seem like it was all in my head we are labelled and sent into a whole new different concentration camp.

I know God keeps me alive for a reason.  Sometimes I don’t know that reason and wonder if death would be easier.  To know I survived an abusive childhood, not knowing a foundation long enough to call it home….from one foster home to another…..and when I left at seventeen, I left without taking anything with me……

I came to Toronto in 1979 and made a great life for myself, lots of friends, a home, started school, had dreams……a place that was safe and people who loved me I was free from chaos or destruction.

To have all that taken away and have to spend the rest of my life maimed by ignorance, being abused by the medical system and the Workers Compensation system.   to only know 6 years of freedom.

I fought for my life…..not this life.  And because I stood up to them, or went above their heads, my life turned into a nightmare.  No apologies for the loss of 2 children that I could have by my side now….and never given time to mourn, until I was editing my book, “GIVE ME A SECOND,” that was published in August and had to read over my life story, told through poems that God helped me write.  I’m so thankful that I have my writing because I would have given in…..and I wouldn’t be on this earth.

Sad to say that such evil exists in human beings, and I sat with the devil all my life it seems…….there is nothing wrong with my mind, now or then, to say that I was causing myself pain…..If my mind could survive my childhood, it certainly wouldn’t be turning against me and causing pain.

I met with the President and Vice President of the WSIB many times, asking them to investigate my file because of the convoluted mess that was inside and nothing came of it.  I was asked to do a video so the WSIB could understand the problems we go through, I went through, he said that it would sensitize their workers.  OMG….if anyone needs to be sensitized, they shouldn’t be in the position of helping injured people.

I watched the video, (and I’ll put it online) but it broke my heart to hear myself tell this nightmare to the same people that caused it.

WSIB paid thousands of dollars for these devices to be put in our bodies, yet they know nothing about the device, nor did they have any information about these devices in my medical file.  They never contacted me before or after the operations, and they stopped asking for medical reports once I went back to the workforce.  To know this is scary.

We are the only ones that can protect our children and theirs……for the Government to turn a blind eye for so long according to reports that have been in the news lately…….and the FDA…

I sent reports to the FDA, called them, as well as the Human Rights Commissioner Barbara Hall and the Labour Minister, I spoke with several MP’s, got the “oh I’m so sorry” speel…….and my file or notes probably went into a file and that’s it….

Nobody did anything…..I had to fight for my life, so once I contacted anyone, I didn’t have time to sit and follow up with them….they should have contacted me…….God made me a writer and I wrote everything down…..so, I can go back one day and ask them WHY?

I recently saw a lawyer who said that I needed to look like I was in pain…that I should look dishevelled if I wanted to go after WSIB for compensation.  To hear that made me cry……a tear slid down my face and I got up and left the office.  OMG….is that what it comes down to?

Unfortunately yes, because when I investigated my WSIB medical file, I saw reports that said, “She didn’t look in pain,” or look uncomfortable enough for them to believe I had anything wrong.    I had one doctor say, “you can’t be in too much pain if you’re smiling!!”  it still makes my heart hurt.

I’m usually silent and that got me nowhere…I don’t like to make a ruckus…but reading the newspapers and hearing people are being killed, or paralyzed by these devices…..and doctors are using them carelessly, without informing the patient of the full consequences……

The INBETWEEN’S, what a person doesn’t say makes a difference.  And there is so much more that I haven’t said about WSIB’s LMR return to work training schools.  That is another horror story.

WE MATTER AND WE ARE NOT LABELS, BUT HUMAN BEINGS.

I returned the cross that I had to bear in 2015 when I had my last meeting with WSIB.  I finally got them to recognize me as being permanently injured and was put on “permanent disability.”  The same manager who wrote in reports that “I had low back problems, and caused problems for my adjudicators” was now the Director.  And I met him eye to eye to tell him how he ruined my life.  All he did was hang his head….

I had a lawyer with me from the Injured Workers Consultants Group, but since I’ve been handling this case for 35 years, he was there as a sounding board.  I had the floor and I laid and their dirt out for them.

I made them a promise that one day I’d be back to take them down.  That I would be rich enough to shut their doors and open a place that would help people respectfully and not put them in poverty.

We pay into this system from the day we are working……so, we are the ones who should decide on how things are run, not following some hundred-year-old policy.  The lawyer said that there wasn’t enough money for them to compensate me for the damages done to my body, mind and life over the last 35 years.

They had a scale for assessing someone’s injuries…and that is how we are deemed.  I get a $500 disability!!!  monthly…that’s a crime.  And when they put me on permanent disability, my income was reduced by $200.

I wish I was a lawyer, I’d take them to court and have this case heard by the Supreme Court of Canada.  There are so many human rights violations and it was all swept under their rugs.

The poems in my book tell a story in a way that shows growth, not regret.  Not bitterness, but new perceptions……I won’t let them take that from me.  And I’ve written many poems for them over the years, sending poetry along with my report on what was happening at the time.

All I can say is God have mercy on their soul……

Thank you for reading my story

JUSTICE FOR INJURED WORKERS

Brenda Keough

647 298 3587

At this point, I have nothing to lose, but God kept me here to protect his angels, and I won’t let this go.  Today, I am a Counsellor, Empowerment Coach, Mentor and Advocate., helping God’s angels with life challenges.  Since I’ve been a prisoner in my home more than I’ve been in society, I made it my sanctuary.  I learn every day and write poetry on what I learn.  .  I am now working on my second book of poetry and it is far different than my first. So, I’m here if you need help.

My mission and passion are showing God’s angels how beautiful and unique they are and how powerful the mind is.  I have amassed a library of training and self-development that I share with my clients.  Everyone should have the opportunity to get to know the real person they are…not what society dictates.

You can recreate your life and create your life by design.   Show the world your uniqueness…..and STEP INTO YOUR GREATNESS.

Nothing like this will happen again, not on my watch.  Next week I’m going to the Star to speak with a reporter and I’ll keep going until we are noticed, and our stories are known and something is done.

God bless, my angels, thank you for coming into my world.   We’re in it together….

                                                   INSPIRATION IS OUR NAME

www.gigglespoet.com. Awareness and inspiration. Sign up and help me fight this war the more voices that we have the more we can change the systems. These scars are my armour, but this should never happen to a human being God will take care of restitution this is the result of 7 operations.  The disc you see was put in my abdomen, that was the transmitter that went haywire, it looks corrosive…..and I wonder what the machine on my spine looks like and if that too gets corrosive.

The other box that looks like a transistor radio, was programmed and locked into place and had a cover….and to this day Medtronic hasn’t told me how it could override the program, sending such electricity through my body that paralyzed me instantly……..OMG to think that one investigation spoke of a man who was paralyzed by his device……I thank the good Lord for looking out for me.

LINKS to Investigative reports on Medtronic Medical Devices

Knowledge is power and I’ve learned many lessons…..

https://www.apnews.com/86ba45b0a4ad443fad1214622d13e6cb

https://www.thestar.com/…/this-company-has-paid-millions-to…

BACK WITH A VENGENCE

I am back with a vengeance
And I’ll teach you to learn
Look not at the past
Or, those bridges you burned

 

The mind is waiting
And you are the master
Give yourself some TLC daily
And you’ll find the riches you’re after

 

It won’t happen in a day
It won’t happen overnight
But, when you start to train your thinking
You’ll finally give up the fight

 

We’ll change the programming
It all starts from within
We’ll create a new story
You’ll be the hero, you’ll win

 

You are the master
It doesn’t have to be your mind
Remove the old programming
And a new you will be redefined

 

© Giggles the Poet
April 17, 2018
11:55 am

DEFINING OURSELVES BY GOALS

 

 

YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING….develop compassion for yourself DESPITE YOUR HUMAN DEFECTS!  You will never be perfect…..that is what makes you human 🙂

MASTERY  life is not a question of control, it’s about finding a balance between HUMAN & BEING

  • Mother
  • Father
  • Sister
  • Brother
  • young
  • old
  • husband
  • wife

 

These are all roles that we play the functions we fulfil.  Whatever we do all that belongs to the HUMAN DIMENSION.  It has its place but needs to be HONOURED, but in itself, it is not enough for a fulfilled meaningful relationship, or life.

 

Human alone is never enough.  No matter how hard you try, or how much you achieve!

 

Then there is “BEING.”  It is found in the still, alert of the presence of consciousness of itself.  The consciousness that YOU ARE…HUMAN IS FORM – BEING IS FORMLESS.

 

HUMAN AND BEING ARE NOT SEPARATE BUT INTERWOVEN –

 

There is an unawareness within you that is the source of all power.  If people are unaware, not present, not conscious of the power that lies within, their source of spirit/power of consciousness, they will feel a sense of LACK.

 

The PRESENT MOMENT is the ENTRY POINT OF ALL POWER WITHIN

(aliveness/all power/consciousness itself.)  If you are not present you don’t realize that there is a source of power within and then you BELIEVE that you have to get secondary power from someone (outside yourself.)

 

Then the EGO plays roles to manipulate the environment and other people to get what it thinks it needs not realizing that all the things you think will give you the power you lack, is already within you if you become present in the NOW!  

 

PRACTICE:  To help you become more aware, practice being in the NOW AND USE ALL SENSES – SEE/FEEL/HEAR/TASTE/TOUCH every situation and environment.

 

The question is, HOW NOT TO LOSE OURSELVES IN THE HUMAN DIMENSION?   BY BEING PRESENT IN THE NOW AND NOT LOSING YOURSELF.

 

Your mind runs on AUTOPILOT and that is where you can lose yourself in the HUMAN DIMENSIONS by the continuous stream of thoughts,

 

Try being present in the moment when you exercise your body and mind.  If a thought creeps in, use deep breathing and by the third breath, bring yourself back to the NOW.  THE MORE YOU PRACTICE THE MORE YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF THE THOUGHTS THAT TAKE YOU AWAY FROM THE PRESENT MOMENTS.

 

We are not VICTIMS, BUT VICTIMS OF CIRCUMSTANCES…..AND WE CAN CHANGE THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES

MY GUARDIAN ANGEL

This lady has been my Guardian angel and her wisdom and teachings has kept me alive….knowing there is more than destruction, pain, loss or sorrow in this lifetime….

GUARDIAN ANGEL

 No matter where you are in life
No matter where you hide
There is a special angel just for you
Who is always walks by your side

 No matter what mistakes you make
No matter if you fall from grace
Your guardian angel will be with you
To help you stand tall and find your place

 No matter how you feel right now
Remember, feelings change so fast
Know that your guardian angel is here to help
Reach out and hold her hand at last……

(c) Giggles the Poet
May 3, 2018
10:47 am.

 

BE KIND TO YOUR MIND.  NEVER STOP QUESTIONING, LEARNING OR WANTING MORE

MAKE YOUR MIND YOUR BITCH 🙂  Because you can 🙂

MAY YOU BE SAFE
MAY YOU BE HEALTHY
MAY YOU BE CONFIDENT
MAY YOU BE LOVED
MAY YOU BE EMPOWERED
MAY YOU BE GREAT  BECAUSE YOU ARE

Be the change the world needs to see 😊 and you’ll help change generational beliefs…….empower your children to know their minds, and you will build a legacy of new generational beliefs and power 🙂

I am with you every step of the way…..we’re in it together😊 😊

YOUR PRIMITIVE BRAIN

Angel, lets work to train your primitive brain
Commit to change and start over again”
Retrain your mind, take control of your life
You can be happy when you stop thinking you’re right

Our minds are the master, or monster
And if you think we’re not in control
You can play a new card game, my angel
You’re in it to win, play or fold

When you look back in time
Look further than your sight
And if you’re living in darkness, angel
I’ll show you how to turn on the light

Life is just a reflection
And it starts with just a thought
You can keep silent while you’re living a lie
Knowing you’re being sold and bought

Your age is just a number
And your life is a precious gift
Start today, and retrain your primitive mind
And you’ll find your place, instead of just drift

So, angel, lets change your story
While we’re changing your mindset too
Because how you think, what you do when you open your eyes
That’s a choice that God gives to you

 © Giggles the Poet
March 17, 2018  10:00 a.m. 

CHANGE C.H.A.O.S TO:

CONFIDENCE, HOPE, ACTION, OPPORTUNITY, SUCCESS

BATTERED, BRUISED AND BROKEN

Your gaze wanders to the mirror
As you put powder on with grace
But deep fear shows in your eyes
As you try and hide the bruises on your face

Your gaze stares back to haunt you
With a truth you see and cannot disguise
How much more make-up will it take
To cover up these many lies?

You stumble to your closet
To find your clothing and piece by piece
You put them on with trembling hands
Wondering when your pounding heart will cease

You wrap your broken, battered ribs
And wince as you draw breath
You wear your biggest, brightest smile
And walk back into the arms of death

Upon her tombstone, it was written
Please pay heed to what you look upon’
For I am free at last, but among my regrets
Is that I’ll never see the beauty of your lives as you go on…..

(c) Giggles the Poet
1985

Abuse affects all of us.  Break your silence…you are never alone

REMEMBER – TECHNOLOGY

REMEMBER-TECHNOLOGY

Well, today God was talking to me about technology and how we’ve conformed to the digital era….it seems everywhere you go, 3 out of 5 people are looking down at their cell phone, and have no idea what is going on around them…or within them…..
Two great poems came together in this conversation to remind us that outside the technology is still human life, and conversation…and eye contact….which we seem to have little of since technology rules the day…..from waking to sleeping…..
Spend sometime looking up and at someone ……it makes a difference

REMEMBER

Remember why you started
Remember why you’re here
Train your mind, control your emotions
And you will control the fear

Remember why you’re breathing
Remember you’re beating heart
You have no control of both my friend
God plays the biggest part

Remember all the beauty
Slow down and take a breath
You have what it takes to be successful
Move forward and look up without regret

Don’t let technology rule your environment
Take back your day, just hit rewind
When you feel technology pulling you in
Remember, you are in control of your time

© Giggles the Poet
September 24, 2018
5:31 pm

Life is so busy, between alarms going off, our phones reminding us of this, or that, computers that rule our day….we forget to take car of ourselves….and our brain runs on autopilot and our emotions are scattered.

Technology doesn’t make our lives easier, it has become a part of us it seems, a part of our body that silently grew and attached itself to us.  And for many, if you were born into this technological world, that is all they know and see others doing.

You wake up and reach for the phone, see who’s online, see who’s commenting, see who is doing what, saying what……and we forget the people in our presence now……our day starts without them.

We forget to say, good morning, how are you today?  How are you feeling?  We forget to look at ourselves in the mirror, afraid it will show you the truth…..and when you look in the mirror, we no longer see ourselves…..we see only that which is visible….our tired eyes, signs of stress, of ageing, signs of regrets….and we brush it aside, because our phone rings, to remind us of what we have to do NOW……

Forgetting what we have to do NOW in our home with the people in our life, forgetting because when you look up, they too are looking down at their phones….to see the same things…….the brain runs on autopilot for them as well……CONFORMITY AND TECHNOLOGY….

We jump out of bed, then we get ready like robots, doing the autopilot thinking and moving to someone else’s tune……. while forgetting our sounds….

Time for some TLC….
Time to stop and smell the roses
Time to look up and see who is looking back
Time to breath
Time to be grateful you have a heart that beats on autopilot
Time to be grateful for the brain that is so powerful that it runs without you doing anything
Time to be grateful for those in your world
Time to remember

You have to do nothing it seems…. everything runs on autopilot and you’ve forgotten how to think for yourself anymore.
Time to think about thinking……and what you are thinking……time to change the TECHNOLOGY ritual and GET BACK TO THE HUMAN RITUAL OF THINkING OF THE NOW……

CHALLENGE

WHAT DO WE DO WITHOUT TECHNOLGY?
WHO ARE WE WITHOUT TECNOLOGTY?
WHAT CAN WE DO WITHOUT TECHNOLGY?
WE ARE NOT DEFINED BY TECHNOLOGY?

For 30 days, challenge yourself to be a human being without technology speaking or doing for you from the moment you wake up?

Time to challenge your thinking…. And think about thinking.

When you wake up, write out your gratitude’s.  Start a journal and write down what you’re thinking (negative and positive.)   Set your intentions each day.  Plan your day, instead of your day planning you.

Write down what you notice each day, how you feel….from the moment you wake up……if you notice anything?
Time to connect the mind, body, spirit….and it’s TIME TO LISTEN FROM WITHIN…heal your energy and your vibrations will change.

Time to find out how powerful your brain really is.  Don’t conform to technology, time to live life NOW without technology telling you what to do and how to do it.

Time to stop the overload of information.  Choose what you will do once you pick up that piece of technology.
The overload of information causes your brain great stress and  that affects your body.  Most of the time it goes without notice, as we are so use to it.  We have 24 hours in a day.  Eight of those are spent sleeping and the other eight are for working…..So, you have nine hours of, “YOU TIME.”  What do you do with those hours?

YOU DON’T NEED TO SET GOALS, YOU NEED TO SET PLANS.

What is your life plan?
What is your day plan?
What is your month plan?
What is your year plan?

In your journal, write down your plans, start backwards and work your way back to your day plan.  Having an end plan, helps you understand and see a better, bigger picture of your future.  You don’t need to know how you’re going to get there yet, many won’t, but seeing the end of what you want to accomplish in your life, gives you a sense of purpose on how you can make that happen.  And what you need to make that happen.

Get out of your comfort zone and MAKE BIG PLANS.  It doesn’t matter that your brain tells you, “you can’t do that because…”  What matters is that you have a plan, and your brain can’t and won’t tell you otherwise.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR BRAIN….AND IT IS NOT IN CHARGE OF YOU.

I was watching a TV program on “Technology,” when this little jingle came to mind….made me smile

TECHNOLOGY

God bless you all, now put away that display
look up to the world before it goes away
Put down that tablet, phone and I pad
look up and connect with your kids, Mom and Dad

I only have this moment God gives me today
I won’t waste my time on a computer display
I will speak to my friends to hear their voice on the phone
Instead of instant messaging, I will visit their home

The marvels and wonders of each new technology
Reaches further ahead, then to just you and me
The world holds a device, a computer, or smart phone
But, in the end when you finally look up, you are very much alone

Angel, do me a favour when technology comes your way
Put it on the table,  and just go outside enjoy the day
Talk to your neighbours, take time out to grow
Because technology won’t give you life, it’s a gift that God bestows

© Giggles the Poet
May 6, 2014
12:36 p.m.

 instead of texting, call someone today and say I love you 🙂

Love you my angels,
Walk with love and light

Giggles the Poet

 

PRINCESS RIP – 2000 – 2017

PRINCESS

 

As your tiny heartbeat grew silent

And life’s light left your beautiful eyes

We knew in our hearts; God has a new journey

And as we held you close I said a special good-bye

All your love little Princess will surround us

And as God’s hand wipes away our tears

I know that he needs you to fill some special purpose

My angel, I will let you go; with our love and prayers

Today, God’s Angels, came down and brought you back home

Know, I’ll always remember seventeen beautiful years

You filled my daily isolation, and there was no more silence

Because your antics, helped me feel such boundless love without fear

I know you’ll find the power to visit our dreams

In time bring us peace to fill up this empty space

I visit you daily, talk and just cry

I miss holding you and seeing your tiny face

Princess, as the sun shines on the day of your passing

It sheds light on your unique life

I buried you in my backyard

And I speak with you morning and night

Know little Princess, you will always be here

And your spirit will push us further along

You had a beautiful life, you were always protected

Now, it’s me who needs to find a place where I belong…

© Giggles the Poet

R.I.P. September 14, 2017,

This beautiful little fur ball was with me for seventeen years.  And was there each time I wrote a new poem.  She would always sit next to the keyboard, keeping me company, filling my isolation and silent world with such unconditional love.

 

She is missed dearly, but I know I will see her again.  My first book “GIVE ME A SECOND” will always be a reminder that she was there at the beginning and at the end.  I am grateful for all the time God gave us to spend together.

 

 

HOLDING ON TO HOPE

HOLDING ON TO HOPE

This is so true. Couldn’t have said it better myself. I’ve been up and down and through the wringer, if it wasn’t for God pushing me….speaking poetry, helping me through these painful times I don’t know where I’d be….maybe a babbling maniac….lol I CAN’T AND I won’t’ GIVE UP OR GIVE IN TO THIS NEW PAIN MONSTER….

Writing is the only thread that I’m hanging onto right now…..I WILL WIN!!!!

HANGING ON TO HOPE

Dear Lord, I feel so lost today
Dealing with this broken vertebra
I’ve spent thirty-five years trying to control my pain
Now this broken bone is driving me insane

I’m usually stronger, but I’m losing my spirit
I can barely move anymore and medications won’t clear it
I try every day, to keep going on
But this broken vertebra won’t’ heal and it’s taking so long

I’m back in a world of pain, silence and isolation
Each day I would wake up with gratitude and anticipation
I help so many others get out when they’re stuck
But, this broken bone is leaving me in such a rut

Dear Lord, help me heal, help me hold on to my faith
I fear I’ll return to the previous world that I hate
Where I’ll become an experimental pawn in medical madness
Having this fear is causing me so much sadness

It seems the noose on my neck gets tighter each day
And I feel my motivation, my spirit and my dreams slip away
A prison of pain is all that I’ve known
But I freed myself out before, as I’ve learned and I’ve grown

Dear Lord, I need you now to speak louder and clear
Help me regain my momentum, my excitement, my flair
All the tools and techniques are not making a dent in this pain
And Lord, I fear that this new pain will drive me insane…..

(c) Giggles the Poet
August 17, 2018

I usually don’t talk about my serious problems, but I can’t deny this anymore, or pretend that I’m not frightened by what’s been happening in my body since this vertebra broke over six months ago. I keep trying to push past the pain daily, but it comes back like a monster that won’t leave me in peace.

It’s taken me thirty-five years to learn how to control the nerve damage, “complex regional pain syndrome” after I was misdiagnosed in 1985. And I was on top, on my game, and so proud that I found a way to conquer the daily nerve pain, Fibromyalgia and destruction that was caused by a broken rib everyone misdiagnosed as “rhomboid muscle strain, or PSTD.”

A broken bone is far different than muscle problems…..and now, I’m back to where I fought so hard to get out of “MEDICAL MADNESS” isolation and silence…Lord, help me out again……

WHERE THERE’S A WILL, THERE WILL BE A WAY….

Love and hugs my angels
Giggles the Poet

SET YOUR INTENTIONS

SET YOUR INTENTIONS

Hello angels, I hope you had an inspiring day!!! God kept me busy in between training today and I wrote 10 poems….another book to put together…..to help mend the minds of my angels…

A great quote

Formal education will make you a living……Self-education will make you rich! If you don’t do it for you….do it for your family…

If you’re not willing to risk the unusual….you will have to settle for the ordinary…

I will NEVER SETTLE…..Say that affirmation daily and feel your power…

bigstock-Be-You-And-Believe-In-Yourself-53277337-300x199

SET YOUR INTENTIONS

My Angels set your intentions for this beautiful day
Don’t let negativity take you away
Power is yours, but first, you must choose
Will you show up for yourself, or will you continue to lose?

Don’t make resolutions you don’t plan to keep
Stop your robotic behaviour, wake up from that sleep
Time is just passing, and what have you done
If you don’t set your intentions, then the devil has won

Don’t make any more false promises, to your own self be true
God gave you a great mind, it knows what to do
But, it’s full of confusion, chaos, and fear
You’ll always see something different, and keep saying life isn’t fair

So, today set your intentions, tell yourself the truth
You can’t change the past, or get back your youth
But, you can train your mind to always see something more
And when you set your intentions, be ready to open that door…

(c) Giggles the Poet
November 7, 2017
3:29 p.m.

THANK YOU, JESUS, FOR OUR BEAUTIFUL MINDS

Be kind to your mind
My Angels, I help you do the work