DEMON IN MY MIND

A demon is stuck in my head and I can’t get it out
I live in pain daily I feel my fire going out
All the dreams I was building are going away
And as I lie here in the silence, I wish for is death every day

When something is broken there is not much you can do
As pain takes you down, it tries to take your mind too
There is no medical help out there and the chemicals are worse
Lord, am I doomed to isolation will my whole life be cursed

I smile no more and each day I feel so stuck
Desperation reins, I feel I’m running out of luck
I turn to nobody, so nobody knows
The hell I am living and it’s starting to show

Lord, where is my power, I’m losing my faith
I feel death calling daily, this time it won’t wait
I said I’d never let go, but I didn’t expect this
My mind is crumbling daily and it’s my life that I miss

I’m trapped in a box that has only one name
I call this the devil’s prison, because he seems to reign
Lord, where am I going and what can I do?
To get rid of this despair that is tearing me in two

Lord, I still exist but I feel like a ghost
I finally built a life where I held the ropes
It’s been 36 years of pain and pure misery
All I ask you my Lord, is why this is happening to me?

I don’t go on line and don’t answer emails
I lie on the sofa feeling mindless, stuck inside this jail
I can’t tell a soul, nor unburden myself
I’ve lost my motivation and my spirit is not felt

But I’m still here talking even if it’s just sound
It’s an echo of myself that resounds all around
Lord, give me some power this is all that I ask
To get out of this hell and finish my mission, my task

I need to get out there, Lord, I need to be free
I need to help others, the way they have helped me
All I I feel is foreboding and it’s such a shame
That this world I lived in all my life, doesn’t know me or my name

This demon that’s hidden deep in my head
Makes me wish more for dying than living instead
Lord, I’m sick of the pain and I’m feeling so tired
For the second time in my life, I’m losing all I acquired

I know there’s a shadow that I must release
I don’t know where comes from, but it doesn’t bring me peace
Lord, I need to know freedom, I need one more chance
And when I feel fear, it’s with fear I will dance 

I can help all your angels and that fills me with pride
I smile through the pain there’s so much that I hide
No one will judge me when I go down
Because I fought for 36 years to keep my feet on this ground

Lord, you gave me a mission and you kept me alive
And I’m proud I lived this long with you by my side
They say that “it’s not over until the fat lady sings”
I married my mission as a healer, and I know the joy that it brings

Lord, I’m not nameless, I’m not faceless and I do have a plan
Just keep my heart beating and I’ll go as far as I can
I know I need a lot of support and I need to be free
Of this demon in my mind that keeps challenging me

Moments change, my Lord, I just went for a walk
I didn’t listen to my body, I let my mind music talk
And by the time that I came back, a new vision was replaced
A new vow is set, and I go forward with grace….

(c) Giggles the poet
September 13, 2018

Thank you, my angels, from being in my world as weird as it gets, it’s a blessing to know that you’re out there.  

Wishing you all a great life and mind journey.

They say that God prunes the greatest tree the most…..I’m pruned already!!!

I’m still determined no matter what I write, I’m still here and that gives me hope that God has better plans…..

Walk with love and light 🙂 — feeling determined.

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