SILENCE IS NOT GOLDEN
They say that “SILENCE IS GOLDEN” But, nothing could be further from the truth. Silence keeps us unaware and hidden in the layers of society, as patterns continue from generation to generation without change. I broke my silence in 2015, going online at Cosmofunnel to tell this story and met others with similar experiences with Neurotransmitters.
So often we are overlooked by doctors and our voices are silenced by medications……BREAK YOUR SILENCE….and learn how to use LIFE SKILLS FOR PILLS.
I recently put up a video that explains my poem….https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDGctIQRGnA&t=122s
Old memories plague me in the darkness
And as they rear their ugly head
They only remind me of all that I’ve lost
My life, my freedom, and my children are dead
Dear God, please forgive my anger
For these many transgressions that I see
But all the madness that I have lived through
Almost got the better of me
I have no need for food or sleep
What I crave most are the sun and air
But, when I look out the window of my sanctuary
I see no signs of the truth out there
Dear God, it’s you I’ve turned to the most
For answers, for courage and faith
And as I read these medical reports of cruelty
Anger washes over me, replacing the hate
My Lord, I have, but five days to go
Can I hold onto the hope this doctor will come to my aid?
I can’t close my eyes; I can’t find any rest
From the pain these surgeons continually create
I see clearly such torture in one operation
And I shake with the echo of hearing my pleas
During this procedure, I felt what they were doing
And when I slipped into unconsciousness, fear followed me
When I woke up in recovery, I felt only doom
Because all I’ve done for so long was cry and beg
Now I felt something different when I turned on my machine
The current was not reaching my back but was running down both my legs
The first surgeon that implanted this medical device
Offered me a choice between paralysis and pain
And as I read these words again in my medical file
It leaves me reeling in sorrow, reeling in shame
Once again, I was sent back to my prison of silence
I lost the job that I loved and my friends of nine years
I kept searching for help, but no one would touch me
And each night I lay down, on my pillow of tears
It took three long years to find another surgeon
He said he would operate and put the wires in place
He smiled as he spoke and promised to help
I smiled back through my fear, as I looked up at his face
I believed what he promised, but I felt like a fool
As I waited daily in my bed for his call
Depression took over, as days turned into months
He couldn’t be reached; I was climbing the walls
My doctor’s husband took over and went to his office
Not leaving until he got my surgery date
Workers Compensation harassed me, wouldn’t leave me in peace
They wanted me back to work, and they wouldn’t wait
The day finally came; I had my fifth operation
Another stranger opened me up, creating a mess
When I woke up much later, I felt such foreboding
I turned on my machine, and I screamed from the stress
Something was wrong; the current was closer
But, it still gave me no comfort as it had done years before
I looked up at my doctor, and as I was being sedated
I wondered how I would get over being sliced open once more
Two weeks later, I was back for my next operation
I tried to prepare my mind for what was to come
This sixth operation was finally completed
I went home feeling gratitude for what he had done
Alone with my sorrow, my body felt mangled
I recovered slowly a few more years gone
I asked God for assistance in clearing my heart
As I tried to forgive the ones who had done me wrong
Five years passed, and I got lost in depression and pills
Now, I needed Workers Compensation to help me update my skills
The office software had changed from five years ago
And when I asked my adjudicator for help, but I received a flat “No.”
I was still in grave shock as I hung up the phone
There was no one beside, me I felt completely alone
I needed some hope I then called her manager
The kindness in his voice helped soothe some of my anger
I have paid into this system from the time I was ten
They cared nothing about me or the hell I’d been in
I asked them for help; their stoic response caused me shame
It seemed every report they wrote, said, “I had low back pain”
I questioned my pension wondering what that was based on
When I told them the truth, they treated me like a con
I asked them why would I lie, or pretend to have pain?
They paid me such meager wages; I had nothing to gain
These machines, they paid thousands of dollars for, electrocuted me twice
I know if it happened again, death would be rolling the dice
The adjudicator asked me nothing, and they cared even less
My depression got worse, my mind and body were a mangled mess
When I cried on the phone, they had no empathy
They said those were the rules; they had to follow policy
I had to hustle my body, even though I was a wreck
Other resources wouldn’t help me, and I would receive no cheque
It has been twenty-nine years and all that I know
Are the mangled scars on my back, things that won’t show
I still fight in a system that refuses to care
And each day I ask God, what’s the reason I’m here?
© Brenda Keough
March 13, 2014
SILENCE IS NOT GOLDEN
Silence serves no purpose other than letting the patterns of ignorance, chaos, and destruction continue from one generation to the next…. it’s time to BREAK YOUR SILENCE! The facts that stare me in the face when I opened my Workers Compensation medical file, was enough to make me BREAK MY SILENCE. Now I have a voice.
A broken rib in 1985 and a misdiagnosis, of “Rhomboid muscle strain,” caused the biggest challenges I have ever experienced in my life. Sending me on a fight for my life, rights to medical attention and to find someone to acknowledge I had a broken rib and not “muscle problems.”
But, too many times I was turned away because they believed I only suffered from PSTD. I knew that if I survived my childhood, I could survive anything, and there were many times I didn’t think I would see the next day, but I made it, by the grace of God…..I found a way and kept going.
I was judged on my appearance because I didn’t look haggard and they couldn’t see the pain, it was said that I was exaggerating, and when they found out about my abusive childhood, they said I was dealing with PSTD? I trusted the Psychiatrist Workers Comp sent me too, and despite them saying that “information was confidential,” I found my life throughout my medical file and that was used against me. Nothing was confidential and all that I said in private, was in my files for everyone else to judge further….
I often wondered, had I told them a different story, I wonder what would have been different?
Misdiagnosis happens more than we think, or hear about. To think that a simple broken rib would cause such so much internal damage, heartache, losses, and destruction in this day is a crime.
This picture above is the result of six unnecessary operations I suffered after the broken rib was removed in 1986, almost a year later, when a CT scan was finally done.
The result of that was that I was left with internal damage to muscles and nerve damage that caused further problems and pain. Then five years later in 1991, I was introduced to a medical device that was forgotten time and again, causing more internal damage and problems. And Workers Compensation who paid for these devices without knowing why seems to know nothing more and didn’t care, but the lies I see in their reports they sent out, reports that only caused more judgments and crucified me in the process
The picture next to it is called a Medtronic Neurotransmitter, (spinal column stimulator.) This was inserted into my body in 1991, then 1998, 2000 – as an experiment, to stop nerve pain. Prior to my having this inserted in my thoracic spine, it was only used for the lower extremities. So, I became the guinea pig they forgot to monitor, and I paid the price and it almost cost me my life on two occasions.
I wore these devices 24/7. This device would send 750 amps of electricity through my nervous system, stopping the pain. and was able to return to the workforce at least for seven years….and for seven years I lived not in the past, but tried to rebuild my world. I could never have any more children after I lost the 2nd child that was growing inside me. Everything was taken from me, time and again.
I was never monitored medically, as these machines are supposed to be, nor did the manufacturer, or WSIB monitor these, instead they pushed me back into the workforce, and I was forgotten by everyone for seven years. They are supposed to be monitored every six months and changed three years later.
The device became a part of me like breathing….it did stop pain…it was my miracle, but a curse. And now it’s grown into my spine, the wires can’t be found, and I don’t know what will happen in the future, but I will never wear another device, or be cut open again.
Unfortunately, I was left to suffer the consequences of this device malfunctioning and electrocuting me internally on two occasions while at work. Had I not been at work, I would have died.
On two occasions while at new jobs, and without warning, the machine suddenly went haywire when I shifted my body, and as the force of electricity rose in my body, I was paralyzed, couldn’t cry out, could only cry silently, as my body contorted, and my heart hurt almost beating out of my chest, I almost blacked out from the force. Had it not been for my co-workers unplugging the cord from the transmitter, or had I been anywhere else that day, it would have killed me.
These electrocutions, botched surgeries, and further injuries have been swept under the carpet by each Workers Compensation adjudicator on my case. They didn’t care how much I had to fight each time for medical care and they still have no idea about what really happened, nor do they care. I searched for medical help that came much too late, delayed by an adjudicator.
Because of ignorance, I lost two children and the losses continued accumulating, but for every loss God made up for with beautiful words of poetry that kept me sane, helping me find a better perspective on looking at the situations I was up against. giving me the courage and strength to fight for my rights……
I will have my first book out in the New Year, I call it “GIVE ME A SECOND. INSPIRATIONAL POETRY.” That is where the heartache began and ended….now I get to rewrite my story with a different ending. I’m grateful I survived so I can continue advocating and God’s writing which has turned into Counselling poetry…..
I can only pray that my experiences, won’t become the experience of someone else. I was twenty-two when this happened. A frightened young girl, in pain and up against some pretty big doctors….and I fought these battles, for the most part, requesting my medical case be investigated, but like my words, they were lost on many.
We need to make changes to the way we are treated by this Workers Compensation Board and by the doctors who are like a revolving door, they write prescriptions after prescriptions without care, not investigating, nor looking us in the eye asking, “what is going on,” as in my case.
And the only one suffering the consequences is us, our mind, body, life and financial futures. We are reduced to a poverty level that never changes. Losing our health benefits, medical benefits and sometimes our houses and families, because we have no help from our Government and doctors don’t want to work with WSIB cases. As I was turned away so often….I did what God wanted me to do…kept detail notes and names, and that my angels, is what will come back to haunt this country and those involved.
It’s time doctor’s realized that we do know our bodies and they should be happy to share in our knowledge, instead of silencing us with medications that will, in the end, kill us, or make us addicts, or just “text-book” guessing, instead of investigating.
Had a doctor done a CT scan at the time, my life I know would not have been like this. But, because they saw nothing on a Xray, and only reports before seeing me, that was my cross to bear. And many said they didn’t care. WSIB’s convoluted reports from day one stated first that I was a 63-year old with “low back problems….and the “low back problems reports that crucified me never changed until 2008.
God will take care of justice and retribution and I will find a way to make changes to this corrupt Workers Compensation system that discards injured workers like garbage, and their carelessness, lack of understanding is causing only us more depression, injuries and sometimes death.
We think we have a system in place to protect us when we are injured, but we don’t. And if we don’t, WHY ARE WE PAYING INTO THIS SYSTEM? We don’t have a system that protects us when we are injured on the job, we have a system that puts us into a new “CONCENTRATION CAMP,” we are assigned a number and they do everything in their power to get us off the system from day one.
The Workers Compensation adjudicator’s shame us, and we are crucified and we alone, pay a heavy price for being injured, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. It’s a system that buries their dead under outdated policies.
I can only hope that my story will help you protect yourself, and your children, as well future generations from knowing, or experiencing these nightmares. I have God to thank for my life, from the time I was born, I was born only knowing a world of chaos, abuse, pain, and losses. It was God that protected me as a child, and it was God that protected me as much as he could as an adult. And I thank him every day for giving me the strength, courage, and wisdom to grow and know that the world I build now, offers me so much more.
My mission has just begun……AND GOD HAVE MERCY ON THEIR SOULS or anyone else that gets in the way of me helping others.
WE ARE MORE THAN A LABEL…AND MORE THAN A DISABILITY….
INSPIRATION IS OUR NAME
I fought WSIB every year for 32 years. In meetings, many times, and was asked to do a video for them in 2010, to sensitize their workers, into understanding the problems we face…still face. Nothing was done. And I have a copy of that video as well.
I survived seven unnecessary operations, two electrocutions and years of taking chemicals for pain, depression, walking through a fog…which leaves me with a lifetime of nerve damage known as Complex Regional Pain Syndrom.
Nobody recognizes this to this day. I’ve never been compensated for the further injuries and losses. And the injustice is that I was out there many times, rebuilding my life, making more money than I did in 1985…and because of negligence, I get put back on this WSIB system after both electrocutions caused me to be taken down…and WSIB called it a “recurrence of my injury.” My injury was a broken rib, NOT “Rhomboid muscle strain,” as was misdiagnosed and NOT an electrocution.
It is only because of forgotten medical devices malfunctioning….never getting medical attention when I needed it, waiting for years for help, while I paid the price and lost my jobs, and place in society. And to know that I have a machine that grew into my spine and cannot be removed scares me.
I became my own lawyer fighting this case for 34 years. I am still on Workers Compensation Disability getting the $6hr, that I got in 1985, combined with my disability pension which is a travesty that will be corrected adds up to $1200.00. monthly. And each year they want to cut me off.
I became a Counsellor in 2014, “with Honors,” I work pro-bono and my passion is advocating and helping mend the mind of other angels, helping them find their purpose and make their mark with more understanding and empowering life skills, tools.
I have thousands of resources, and do up content for my clients, I share the same Brain training and resources that got me out of hell, giving me a new lease on life. I am trying to rebuild my life after 34 years, and one day I dream of making a living my way, to finally get off this unforgiving system.
I became a stronger advocate after I learned to heal through my study of Counselling. then I found a way to heal my mind, body, and spirit, through Brain Training and Frequency music.
I call that my Fork in the Road, a new truth was born from a consciousness I didn’t know I had – a truth that provides answers for the Spirit, Mind, and Body. I will share information concerning self-healing using sound, vibration, and frequencies that can clear, cleanse, balance, and focus our lives in all its forms.
Some of the frequencies of music I used, and still use today are called the ancient Solfeggio frequencies are part of a process that can assist us in creating the possibility of lives without stress, illness, and sickness, and sometimes pain. You learn a new level of mind command and a new way of reducing pain. I’ll always have pain, but, I can now live with that as God leads me into a future of change.
Together we will go to the cutting edge of scientific discoveries regarding sound and healing, and gather in this crucial time of change and transformation on the planet. Join me and others who do not live in fear of the future. Just tune your inner ear and listen to these wonderful new ideas and technologies.
I share the techniques of working with sound and, more specifically all the resources that helped me get to where I am now. My hope is that we can all find the harmonics of our own individual music, and that through this process we will be enabled to live balanced lives.
I’m out of the mind maze of 32 years, I retrained my brain, and grew in ways I’ve never thought I’d live to see. God kept me alive for a reason….I’m coming back like a tsunami, to give voice to the past that they forget…and the injured workers they maim.
God speaks to me daily and I write counseling poetry. I hope through me, you too will find the courage to want to know more…..because you can. I came back from the dead and this time I’m like a tsunami……
If you would like to have access to free content, music, brain tips and strategies, please feel free to join me, “Advice and Healing page links to free stuff.” on Facebook, https://www.facebook.com/groups/Giggles63/ I put up information that will empower your mind and you in ways you only dreamed.
I’m making it 🙂 and so can you, my angels. Together we can take this system out and change it to one that is caring and respectful. I can live with pain, but I won’t live with Workers Compensation destroying others…….not on my watch!!
Giggles Counselling & Consulting
SKILLS FOR PILLS
BRAIN TRAINING AND EMPOWERMENT
FEAR IS – FOCUS=EMPOWERMENT=AND=RESILIENCE- (c) Giggles the Poet 2017.
Step into your greatness. You can change the meanings of what you think…..be creative and challenge any negativity…..
FAIL= FIRST ATTEMPT IN LEARNING
END = EFFORT NEVER DIES
C.R.A.P. CONSCIOUSNESS RESPONSIBILITY-ACCOUNTABILITY & PURPOSE
C.R.A.P CONFUSION, REGRET, ANGER & PAIN
You do get to choose the meanings in your mind….
I stand alone, but 10, 000,000 or more stand with me….